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Out of Exile
Carla Cassidy
She'd haunted Matthew Delaney–the shy, awkward boy he'd been, the hard, unyielding man he'd become–for more years than he cared to remember. Now Lilly Winstead was back, and he once again had to struggle with his unwelcome, undying desire for her.And he had another, even more dangerous, fight on his hands. Somebody was trying to kill her–and he damn sure meant to keep her safe. Because even if he couldn't have her, nobody was going to harm the only woman he'd ever loved.But when this was over, could he really let her walk away from him again…?
“This was a mistake,” Matthew said harshly, holding the horse’s bridle. “I don’t want or need a woman in my life. I don’t want or need anyone in my life.”
Lilly wanted to tell him she’d never seen anyone who needed as much as he did, but she knew this wasn’t the time. His features were stony and grim, giving no hint of the softer, gentler man who’d just made love to her.
The scent of him still clinging to her skin, the taste of him still in her mouth, she mounted. “I’m sorry your father was a mean, hateful bastard, Matthew,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean you have to become one.”
She rode away, but she’d gone only a short distance before she turned in the saddle and looked back.
Matthew stood in the shadows, staring after her. Never had she seen a man who looked so achingly alone.
Dear Reader,
Once again we invite you to enjoy six of the most exciting romances around, starting with Ruth Langan’s His Father’s Son. This is the last of THE LASSITER LAW, her miniseries about a family with a tradition of law enforcement, and it’s a finale that will leave you looking forward to this bestselling author’s next novel. Meanwhile, enjoy Cameron Lassiter’s headlong tumble into love.
ROMANCING THE CROWN continues with Virgin Seduction, by award winner Kathleen Creighton. The missing prince is home at last—and just in time for the shotgun wedding between Cade Gallagher and Tamiri princess Leila Kamal. Carla Cassidy continues THE DELANEY HEIRS with Matthew’s story, in Out of Exile, while Pamela Dalton spins a tale of a couple who are Strategically Wed. Sharon Mignerey returns with an emotional tale of a hero who is Friend, Lover, Protector, and Leann Harris wraps up the month with a match between The Detective and the D.A.
You won’t want to miss a single one. And, of course, be sure to come back next month for more of the most exciting romances around—right here in Silhouette Intimate Moments.
Enjoy!
Leslie J. Wainger
Executive Senior Editor
Out of Exile
Carla Cassidy
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CARLA CASSIDY
is an award-winning author who has written over thirty-five books for Silhouette. In 1995, she won Best Silhouette Romance from Romantic Times for Anything for Danny. In 1998, she also won a Career Achievement Award for Best Innovative Series from Romantic Times.
Carla believes the only thing better than curling up with a good book to read is sitting down at the computer with a good story to write. She’s looking forward to writing many more and bringing hours of pleasure to readers.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Epilogue
Prologue
He stood in the shadows near the barn, staring at the big white house. At the moment only one light shone from the windows of the huge two-story home. He knew Matthew Delaney, the eldest of the Delaney heirs and the manager of this ranch, would be sitting in his study, where he’d sat every night for the past week.
But tomorrow the house would be ablaze with lights because she would be here. Euphoria cascaded through him and his heart raced so fast he feared it might beat right out of his chest.
Lilliana Marie Winstead. Lilly. Tomorrow she would arrive here. After all the time that had passed, after all the heartaches in his life, tomorrow he would be reunited with the woman who was his soul mate, his love…his very life.
He leaned back against the wooden side of the barn and closed his eyes, a vision of Lilliana materializing inside his mind. The first vision his brain produced was one of her as a young woman. She’d been sixteen years old when he’d first seen her, when he had first recognized that she was his destiny.
At that time her hair had been a curtain of darkness that he’d wanted to climb into and hide in forever. Her eyes had been the deep blue of ocean depths and he’d wanted to dive in and die there.
But before he had been able to make her understand that she belonged to him, that they belonged together, she was gone. He’d been devastated, ripped apart.
And in the years following her disappearance, he’d searched for her, had even tried to take up with other women who looked like her. But in the end they had been terrible disappointments…pale imitations of the woman who was meant to be his.
A swell of rage rose inside him as he thought of those two women. He’d had such hopes for each of them, but they’d been nothing but stupid whores who had refused to understand their fate.
Now they understood. As they rotted in their shallow graves, he was certain they now understood. Just as Lilliana would eventually understand.
She belonged to him.
It had been sheer accident that he’d found her once again. He’d gone into a supermarket he never frequented for a pound of hamburger, and there she had been…pushing a basket just ahead of him.
He’d been so shocked, so utterly overwhelmed, he’d left the store without the meat, but had sat in his truck and watched as, moments later, she’d left the store.
It had been fate, giving him a second chance. And now that he’d found her again he wasn’t about to let her go. She would be here tomorrow and he would be here waiting for her.
He opened his eyes once again and stared at the big house. Matthew Delaney was hiring new help for the ranch and he intended to get hired on. He intended to be here to watch her…to wait…and eventually to claim her as his own for eternity.
He just hoped she didn’t disappoint him like the others before her.
Chapter 1
Seventeen years.
It had been seventeen years since she’d been to this ranch. But as she drove beneath the wooden entry that proclaimed the area to be the Delaney Dude Ranch, it felt as if the years had fallen away and she was once again a teenager eagerly looking forward to visiting members of her new family and spending time on a real ranch.
“Maybe I should have called or written to let them know we were coming.”
Lilliana Winstead shot a glance at the elderly woman in the passenger seat. “You didn’t tell anyone that you were coming?”
Lilliana’s adopted aunt, Clara, straightened in the seat. “I was going to, but it simply slipped my mind.” The frown that momentarily danced across her forehead disappeared. “But we’re family, Lilly. I’m sure we’ll be welcome here.”
Lilly hoped so. They had come a long way from Dallas to this ranch in Inferno, Arizona, and had been in the car for the better part of two days.
Lilly directed her attention back out the window. Years before when she had visited, the place hadn’t been a dude ranch but merely a working ranch.
In the distance the huge two-story white house came into view, along with a plethora of outbuildings that hadn’t been there before. Still, a small rush of happiness swept through her. Some of the best memories of her youth came from this place.
As they pulled closer, she spied two men standing near the weathered wooden corral and instantly she recognized one of them as Matthew Delaney.
Even though it had been seventeen years and his back was to them, she recognized his tall lanky length, the impossibly broad shoulders and the downward tilt of the black cowboy hat on his head.
Again a swell of pleasure filled her chest. Some of the best memories of her youth came from this man.
As the car drew closer, the two men turned, and Lilly felt a sense of satisfaction as she saw that indeed, the tall cowboy was Matthew. He said something to the cowhand next to him and the man nodded, then took off toward the barn.
Lilly parked the car as Matthew approached them.
“Lilly. Clara. What a surprise,” he said as the two women got out of the car. He made no move to hug Lilly or kiss his aunt hello. Instead he stuck his hands in his pockets, his dark-gray eyes expressionless beneath the brim of his hat.
“We’ve come for a visit,” Aunt Clara announced. “I meant to call, but it just slipped my mind.” She frowned. “Lately it seems like lots of things keep slipping my mind.”
“I hope we haven’t come at a bad time,” Lilly said, once again looking at the handsome man before her.
“Of course not,” he replied after only a moment’s hesitation. “It’s been a long time.” His gaze flickered over her, traveling from her face downward, then back up again.
Lilly fought the impulse to smooth a hand down the light-blue cotton dress that was wrinkled from the hours in the car. Instead she tucked a strand of her long, dark hair behind her ear. “Yes, it has been a long time.”
There was a moment of awkward silence, one that Lilly remembered from years ago. The first time she and Clara had arrived here when Lilly had been sixteen years old, Adam Delaney, Matthew’s father, had greeted them with the same lack of enthusiasm.
At that time Lilly had stood next to Aunt Clara, eyeing the four silent Delaney children with trepidation at the same time they had stared at her suspiciously.
“I was just about to head inside and get some dinner.” He pulled his hands from his pockets. “Why don’t I get your bags inside and get you settled in.”
Lilly nodded and as Aunt Clara started for the house, she popped open the car trunk to reveal two overnight bags. She handed one to Matthew and carried the other herself.
“Things are sure quiet around here,” she observed as they walked from the car to the front porch. Although it was just a little before six, the sun was already starting its descent, riding low and transforming the blue sky with glorious warm colors.
She’d expected crowds of people. She’d expected children running amok as parents attempted to corral them, newlyweds oblivious to their surroundings and high-spirited vacationers.
“The ranch went dark a week ago,” he explained. “We won’t have any guests here for another three weeks.” He opened the front door and gestured for his aunt and Lilly to precede him inside.
“Oh my, I can see I’ve come in the nick of time,” Aunt Clara exclaimed as she ran a finger across the hall tree in the foyer. A light layer of dust filmed the golden oak beneath.
Matthew swept off his hat and hung it on one of the hooks near the door. “The housekeeper is on vacation for a couple of weeks.”
“Then I can make myself useful here,” Aunt Clara said, a satisfied smile moving her plump cheeks upward.
Matthew opened his mouth as if to protest, then apparently thought better of it. “Why don’t I show you both to your rooms and you can freshen up while I rustle up some dinner.”
It took only minutes for Matthew to show them the rooms they’d used in the past when visiting, then he went back down the stairs.
Lilly was pleased to see that the room where she’d spent several weeks for three summers as a young woman had been left untouched in the passing of time. The wallpaper was perhaps a little less bright than it had been years ago and the bedspread appeared a bit frayed.
The bed was big and soft, and many a night she’d lain in it and dreamed girlish dreams about Matthew Delaney. She smiled now and moved to the window.
The view was magnificent. From this vantage point she could see the stables and, farther out, the pastureland that it must cost a fortune to maintain in this arid, desertlike climate.
She could hear her aunt in the next room, bustling about to unpack her suitcase. Lilly frowned. It disturbed her that Aunt Clara hadn’t called to let Matthew know they were visiting; that meant she hadn’t mentioned to him Clara’s plans of moving in here permanently. It would be up to Lilly to relay this information to Matthew.
Matthew. He had been a young girl’s dream. Because he’d been the same age as Lilly, he’d been assigned to entertain her those three summers she had visited.
She’d found him intensely handsome, heroically strong, and mysterious in a dark, poetic way. She had instantly developed an intense crush on him. And there had been times she’d thought her feelings for him might be reciprocated, but nothing had ever come from it.
She cracked open the window and drew a deep breath of air that smelled like warm earth, live animals and fresh sunshine.
It would be good to stay here, see Aunt Clara settled in and enjoy the ranch life for a week or two. She’d needed a break from her tiny apartment in Dallas and hopefully, during the time she was here, she wouldn’t think about the tragedy that had prompted her to take a year off from her work.
She left her room and went down the stairs to the kitchen, where she could hear Matthew rattling pots and pans.
She paused in the doorway, aware that he hadn’t noticed her presence.
For just a moment she took the opportunity to study the man he had become. The last time she’d seen him he’d been almost nineteen years old. She knew he was now the same age as her—thirty-five.
As a young man of eighteen, he’d been handsome. As a mature man of thirty-five, he was devastating. Life had etched lines into his face, but the fine lines that radiated out from the corners of his eyes and creased his forehead only added character and strength.
No gray accented his thick, black hair, and his lean, lanky body looked as if not a single year had passed since last time she’d seen him.
“You come down to help or to stand there and stare?”
She grinned. “Aw, busted. I was just looking to see what damage the years had done to you.” She stepped into the kitchen.
He lowered the flame beneath a pot of beans and turned to stare at her. His eyes were just as she remembered them, smoky gray and long-lashed. Heat welled up inside her as his gaze slowly drifted down the length of her, a visual onslaught that felt vaguely invasive.
“Looks like the years have been fairly kind to you,” he observed, as his gaze once again locked with hers.
She smiled and consciously ignored the heat that still flooded through her veins. She found it crazy and amazing that after all these years a flicker of those bedroom eyes of his could affect her. “Now that we have that out of the way, what can I do to help with dinner?”
“You can set the table. I’m afraid dinner isn’t going to be anything elaborate. Hot dogs and beans. I didn’t realize I was going to have company this evening.” There was a touch of censure in his voice.
“And I apologize for that,” Lilly said as she grabbed three plates from the cabinet and placed them on the table. “I should have made sure Aunt Clara contacted you. I just assumed she had until we pulled into the entry and she mentioned she hadn’t.”
Lilly grabbed silverware from the appropriate drawer, wondering if now was a good time to mention the fact that Aunt Clara’s intentions were not just for a visit, but rather for something more permanent.
But she got no opportunity as Aunt Clara joined them in the kitchen at that moment. She filled the air with cheerful prattle, making any meaningful conversation between Matthew and Lilly impossible.
Although it had been years since Lilly had been here, she knew her aunt had come to the ranch seven months ago when her brother and Matthew’s father, Adam, had passed away. She also knew her aunt had stayed in touch through sporadic letters from Matthew’s sister, Johnna.
Dinner was an awkward affair, and Lilly got the distinct impression that Matthew wasn’t exactly thrilled by their impromptu appearance here.
Although he was courteous, it seemed a courtesy offered with a touch of reluctance. The shadows in his eyes that she’d once found fascinating now seemed even more deep and forbidding. She wondered what had happened in his life in the years since she’d last visited that had so deepened those shadows?
Not my problem, she reminded herself. But what made her slightly uncomfortable was that she had seen those same kinds of shadows in another’s eyes not so long ago. And those shadows had led to a tragedy of mammoth proportions.
In that particular instance, Lilly had allowed herself to get too close, had allowed her natural defenses to drop, and the end result had been devastating.
She didn’t intend to allow anyone that close again. All she wanted from Matthew Delaney was the assurance that Aunt Clara, the woman Lilly loved more than anyone in the world, could have a home here. Then Lilly would return to her life and cherish the memories of a boy who’d been kind to her when she’d desperately needed kindness.
Lilliana. Lilly.
Matthew took a pitchfork and arranged a bed of fresh hay in one of the horse stalls. The last person he’d expected to see here was Lilliana Winstead. He hadn’t thought about her for years, but there had been a time when he’d hardly been able to think of anything else.
Although he’d never had much use for his aunt Clara, the summer of his sixteenth year she’d brought her newly adopted daughter, Lilliana, here for a visit.
Those trips they’d made annually for three summers had been both eagerly anticipated and equally dreaded by Matthew, who would always be assigned the task of entertaining Lilly.
Spending endless hours with the beautiful Lilly had been a pleasure the likes of which Matthew had never known. Not only had her prettiness attracted him, but she’d had an infectious laugh, a sparkle in her eyes and an insatiable curiosity that had absolutely bewitched him.
“You show her a good time, boy, and keep her out of trouble,” Adam Delaney would say to his son on the first day of their visit. “You make me proud or I swear I’ll make you sorry.”
Matthew shoved away the memory of his old man’s words, but there was no way to push aside the anger that stirred inside him. It was a familiar anger, one that had become like a loyal friend because it was always there just under the surface.
He spread the last of the new hay, trying not to feel guilty about how quickly he’d left the table after dinner. Aunt Clara had indicated that she would do the cleanup, and Matthew had taken the opportunity to escape to the stables.
Seeing Lilly again had stirred myriad emotions and he felt as if he needed some time alone to put it all in the proper perspective.
He’d been looking forward to this time when the ranch would be dark, when there would be no guests demanding attention. No bitching, no whining, just peace and quiet, that’s what he’d been looking for.
He needed time alone to figure out where he was headed, where the Delaney Dude Ranch was headed.
But in those summers when Lilly and Aunt Clara had visited, the one thing that had been conspicuously absent was peace and quiet.
“Hi.”
He tightened his grip on the pitchfork as her low, melodic voice interrupted his thoughts. She stood just outside the stall where he’d been working.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Matthew, but I really need to talk to you.” It was obvious she’d showered and changed clothes before coming in search of him. Gone was the wrinkled blue dress she’d been wearing, and in its place was a blue T-shirt and a pair of almost shockingly short shorts.
“Talk to me about what?” He leaned the pitchfork against the wall, then left the stall. As he stepped out, he could smell her, a fresh clean floral scent that eddied in the air. It was a scent that rang the chords of distant memories. He thought she’d worn the same fragrance years ago.
“About Aunt Clara.”
Matthew frowned. “What about her?”
Lilly leaned back against the stable wall. The brevity of her shorts now gloriously displayed the legs that had been hidden beneath the long skirt earlier. Those legs looked just as silky, just as shapely as they had looked years ago.
“I’m not sure how to tell you this,” she said, hedging.
A burst of irritation swept through Matthew at the realization that even after all the years that had passed, and all the beatings he’d endured because of her, he felt a stir of desire for her. “Just spit it out,” he exclaimed. “I don’t remember you ever having a problem verbalizing in the past.”
Her eyes, eyes the color of cornflowers, widened at the sharpness of his tone. “She’s lost everything—her house, her savings…all of her assets—through a series of bad investments.”
“And so she’s come here hoping we’ll default on the terms of my father’s will and she’ll inherit the place?” he asked tersely.
“I know all about the terms of the will, that your father set it up so you all have to work here for a year before the ranch officially becomes yours. And I know if any one of you defaults on the conditions, the ranch goes to Aunt Clara.”
She took a step toward him and placed her hand on his forearm. He suddenly remembered that about her, that she’d been a toucher. “She doesn’t want the ranch, Matthew. All she wants is a home here with the rest of her family.”
What family? Matthew wanted to ask. The Delaneys had never been a family. They had been four children trapped in a life with a brutal dictator, four siblings who’d been isolated by fear and distrust. But Matthew didn’t talk about such things. He never talked about it.
“Why doesn’t she move in with you?” he asked, then realizing how cold he sounded, he hurriedly continued, “I mean, you’re certainly much closer to her than any of my brothers and sister have been over the years.”
She nodded, the gesture giving her thick, dark hair a sensual sway. “I told her I’d get a bigger apartment, that she was more than welcome to move in with me, but she insisted she wants to be here.”
He fought the sigh of resignation that rose in his throat. “Then I guess she’s going to be here.”
Lilly offered him a wide smile that lit every feature on her face. He felt the warmth of that smile burrow deep in the pit of his stomach. “Thanks, Matthew. More than anything, I want her to be happy.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Did you really think I’d send her away?”
She grabbed a strand of her midnight hair and twirled it around her finger. “To be honest I didn’t know what to expect. We haven’t exactly stayed in touch, and I wasn’t sure how you might react.”
She was right. Many years had passed since they’d spoken or had any contact. She had no idea what kind of man he’d become, just as he had little idea of the woman she’d become.
“How long are you going to be here?” he asked. “Hasn’t school started in Dallas?” The last thing he’d heard was that she was a high school counselor.
“Yes, but I decided to take a year off.” Her gaze slid away from his.
“Really? Why?”
She shrugged. “I just decided I needed a little break.”
She walked over to one of the other stalls and reached out to pet the mare confined there.
Matthew watched her. He had a feeling there was more to the story, but told himself it was none of his business. She was none of his business.
Still, he had to admit to himself that she was as pretty as she’d been at sixteen…even prettier. She was still slender, but with curves in the right places. Her hair wasn’t as long as it had been years ago, but it still framed her face with glossy darkness, a perfect foil for her startling blue eyes.
“You never married.” It was a statement, not a question.
She turned to look at him once again. “Neither have you,” she countered.
“That’s right. And I never intend to marry.” Matthew knew well the reasons why he would never bind himself to a woman. “I like living my life alone. What about you?”
She gave the horse a final pat. “For the most part I’m comfortable alone. I’ve never felt the need for marriage. I think there are just some people who aren’t cut out for the institution.” She grinned. “And no, I’m not gay.”
He blinked in surprise. “That didn’t even cross my mind.”
“You’d be surprised how many men discover I’m thirty-five and never been married and just assume it must be because I’m gay, or at the very least highly dysfunctional in some way or another. There are times it gets quite irritating.”
He felt a grudging grin curve his mouth. Even as a young woman she’d been in touch with her emotions and had no problems verbalizing them. He’d always admired that about her.
“So how long are you planning on staying?” he repeated as they headed for the stable door.
“A week, maybe two if that’s all right with you. I’d like to see Aunt Clara settled in.” She grinned, the infectious smile he remembered from their youth. “But don’t worry, Matthew. I’m a big girl now. I don’t expect you to squire me around on this visit. I’m perfectly capable of entertaining myself.”
They both halted as the door to the stables opened and Jacob Tilley walked in. “Jacob!” Matthew said in surprise.
He hadn’t seen Jacob since six months ago when Jacob’s father, Walter Tilley had been sent away to prison.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, Matthew,” Jacob said. “One of your men told me you were out here and I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time.”
Matthew turned to Lilly. “Jacob, this is Lilliana Winstead.”
“Yes, I remember you,” Jacob said and held his hand out to her. “You used to visit in the summers.”
“That’s right,” Lilly replied. “And you used to come with your father when he’d have a meeting with Adam.” She shook his hand, then stepped back from them. “I’ll just get out of here and give you two some privacy.” Without a backward glance she left the stables.
“Pretty, isn’t she?” Jacob observed when she had gone.
“She’s all right. What can I do for you, Jacob?” Matthew asked, curious as to why this man would show his face around here.
“I hear the ranch is doing well,” he said as he swept his hat from his head and fingered the brim. “Heard you’re booked up solid through Christmas.”
“We’re doing all right,” Matthew replied. He eyed the man patiently, knowing eventually he would get around to the reason for this visit.
Jacob shifted from one foot to the other, his gaze not meeting Matthew’s. “This can be a tough town, an unforgiving town.”
“Are you here on behalf of your father?” Matthew asked. Seven months before, Walter Tilley had been the executor of Adam Delaney’s will and the family lawyer. Then it was discovered he was running illegal aliens through the ranch and was responsible for the death of a young woman who’d been working the ranch as a social director.
“No, I’m here on behalf of me…and my family.” For the first time Jacob looked him square in the eyes. “I hear you’re doing some hiring.”
“I always do this time of year,” Matthew replied. “I’ve got interviews set up for tomorrow.”
“I was afraid if I tried to set anything up with you, you’d turn me down,” Jacob replied. He frowned. “And of course, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. What my father did to you, to this ranch, was inexcusable.”
“I’ve never blamed you for the choices your father made.” God help him if anyone judged him by his father’s sins, Matthew thought.
“Then give me a job, Matthew.” There was a touch of undisguised desperation in Jacob’s voice. “I can’t get anyone else in this town to even talk to me about a job. Everyone knows what my father did. Hell, my wife…my kids…we’re all starving because I can’t find work.”
Matthew knew the Tilleys had always been proud, and he knew the emotional toll it must have cost Jacob to come here this evening.
“Be here at dawn in the morning and plan on working harder than you ever have in your life.” Matthew hoped he hadn’t just made a mistake.
Jacob held a hand out to him. “Thanks. I promise you won’t regret it.”
After Jacob left the stables, Matthew remained for a few minutes longer. He sank down on a bale of hay, his thoughts going back to the conversation with Lilly.
Funny, he’d always been surprised that she hadn’t married. He wasn’t sure he’d ever met a woman who had no interest in getting married. Certainly most of the single women of Inferno had marriage on the mind, and there was nothing they’d like more than to snag the last available Delaney.
But Matthew’s desire to remain single went deeper than a mere whim. He would never marry, because he was afraid he was his father’s son. And as his father’s son, he was desperately afraid that if he ever fell in love he would only manage to hurt the person most dear to his heart.
Better not to love than to repeat the sins of the father.
Chapter 2
Lilly left the stables and checked on Aunt Clara, who had retired to her room for the evening. Lilly fixed herself a glass of iced tea, then went back outside and sat on the wicker chair on the front porch.
The sun had disappeared and the purple haze of twilight was fading as stars began to appear as if by magic in the darkening skies.
She saw Jacob Tilley leave the stables and get into his pickup. She waved at him as he drove off, then looked expectantly toward the stable, assuming Matthew would soon follow.
When minutes passed and he didn’t come out, she returned her gaze to the night sky. From her apartment in downtown Dallas she never saw the stars. But here they looked big enough, low enough, to reach out and grab.
She drew a deep breath, feeling more relaxed than she had in months. The frantic tempo of the Dallas city life and the daily stresses of her job seemed very far away at the moment.
A week or two here and perhaps she’d be ready to go back and face her life…and her failure. She drew another breath, fighting against a wave of sadness so deep it sent a piercing ache through her.
She consciously forced her thoughts away from her job and instead found thoughts of Matthew intruding into her mind. As a boy he had fascinated her and she was surprised to discover some of that fascination remained.
As the years had passed and she’d remembered the crush she’d had on him, she’d always believed that she’d been acutely drawn to him due to the raging hormones of a teenager. But she was well past the age of teenage hormones and still she found herself physically drawn to him.
The moment they had pulled in and she had seen him, she’d experienced a slight quickening of her pulse, an acceleration of her heartbeats.
Nostalgia. Surely that’s what she was experiencing. The nostalgia of that first crush, time spent with a handsome young man, the awakening of sexual awareness between two teenagers.
Hearing footsteps, she looked toward the stables to see the object of her thoughts approaching, his boots crunching on the gravel drive.
“Everything all right?” she asked as she saw the frown that deepened the lines on his face.
“I hope so.” He lowered himself into the chair next to hers. “I just hired Jacob Tilley and I’m hoping it’s not a mistake.”
“Why would it be a mistake?”
“Jacob Tilley’s father, Walter, was our family lawyer at the time my father passed away. He’s now in prison for running illegal aliens through our ranch and murdering a young woman who worked here as a social director. He also nearly killed my brother, Mark and his wife, April, when they stumbled on his operation.”
Lilly gasped and listened as he told her the details of Jacob’s father’s crimes. “But surely you heard about all this,” he said as he finished the story.
Lilly shook her head. “No, I didn’t hear anything about it. But you have to understand, most of the information I get about the ranch and what’s happening with your family is from Aunt Clara and the letters she gets from Johnna. Johnna doesn’t write her very often, and I think Aunt Clara often forgets what she’s been told in those letters.”
“That’s how I managed to keep up with your life over the years,” he replied. “Johnna would mention a letter she’d received from Clara and Clara’s letters were usually filled with tidbits about your life.”
Lilly grinned. “They must have been pretty boring letters.” She took a sip of her tea, then placed the glass on the porch next to her chair. “Whenever I visited out here, I thought you led the most exciting life I could ever imagine.”
“Really?” She heard his disbelief in his low voice.
“If you’d been here longer than a week or two at a time, you’d probably have realized just how unexciting ranch life can be. It’s a hard life. It can be brutal.” A hard edge had appeared in his tone.
He cleared his throat and stood. He moved to the porch railing and stared out at the encroaching darkness. For a long moment he was silent…a silence that invited no entry.
Lilly stared at the width of his rigid back and wondered if he dated, if he had a special somebody in his life. She remembered him as somebody who had difficulty opening himself to anyone, sharing pieces of himself.
In those summers when she had visited here, she had worked very hard to get through the barriers she sensed he’d erected to guard him from everyone. And when she’d felt she’d succeeded, it had been a sweet success.
But he wasn’t sixteen or seventeen anymore, and she had no right to intrude on his thoughts, his emotions or his life.
“You mentioned that Clara wants to make her home here permanently,” he said, finally breaking the silence. “I need to warn you that there isn’t any guarantee this place will be permanent.”
She looked at him in surprise. “What do you mean?” She rose from her chair and joined him at the railing.
He didn’t look at her but continued to stare out at some indefinable point in the distance. “I’ve received an offer from a development company that wants to buy this place in five months when it officially becomes ours.”
“But surely you aren’t considering selling,” Lilly protested. She placed a hand on his forearm, and when he turned to look at her, his eyes were as dark as the night that surrounded them.
“To be honest, I don’t know what I’m considering.”
“But what does the rest of your family say about selling?” Lilly asked. She dropped her hand from his arm, conscious that she was too aware of the firm muscles, the smooth skin beneath her fingertips.
He took several steps away from her and raked a hand through his hair. “I haven’t told them about the offer yet. I’ve called a family meeting for tomorrow night and we’ll all discuss it then. I just figured I should let you know that, at the moment, nothing here is permanent.”
Lilly didn’t know how to reply. She was stunned that there was even a possibility that the Delaney heirs would want to sell this place that was their roots, their heritage.
How she wished she had roots like this…a place that was home, had been home for years. But Lilly also knew she had no right to fight for a home that wasn’t hers.
Again they stood in silence. Lilly tried to ignore the fact that she could smell his masculine scent, a pleasant combination of the outdoors, of leather and hay and spicy cologne.
She could feel his body heat, as if the sun had fevered him all day long and his skin still retained the warmth. Suddenly she remembered how much she’d wanted him to kiss her years ago.
There had been a time when she’d thought she might die if he kissed her, that a single kiss from him would have the power to make her expand and blow away with sheer happiness.
On those summer visits they had explored every inch of the Delaney ranch, he’d taken her into town for ice cream and to the movies. They’d even spent time dancing together at a Fourth of July celebration the town had put on.
They had indulged in the flirtatious games of teenagers just learning the power and strength of their own sexuality, but they had never kissed. Certainly she had wanted him to kiss her, and there were times she thought he’d come precariously close, but it had never happened.
She returned to her chair, finding it ludicrous that she was thirty-five years old and wondering how Matthew Delaney kissed.
“Did I mention that a moving van will be arriving first thing in the morning with the rest of Aunt Clara’s things?” she asked in an attempt to school her errant thoughts.
“No.” He released a sigh as if the very thought made him tired, and Lilly wished it weren’t dark so she could see his face, see the expression that might be there.
“There isn’t a whole lot. Mostly boxes of clothing and knickknacks, her favorite rocking chair and a few other small pieces of furniture. She sold most of her things in an estate sale last week.”
He turned to face her, his features still shadowed by the night. “I’m going to be interviewing and hiring some new hands in the morning. Just have the movers unload the things in the living room, and I’ll deal with it tomorrow afternoon. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to call it a night.” He didn’t wait for her reply, but opened the door and disappeared into the house.
“Good night, Matthew,” she said softly, oddly disappointed by his abrupt departure.
He intrigued her. When they’d both been teenagers she’d sensed there was an unusual depth to him, a sensitivity that he tried to keep hidden from everyone, and she sensed those same things now.
She shook her head ruefully. Maybe she should call it a night, too. She’d done all the driving on the long trip from Dallas, and she was tired.
And apparently that overtiredness was filling her head with silly notions about a boy she’d once spent time with…a boy who’d grown into a man she didn’t know at all.
Rising from the chair, she stretched her hands overhead to work out kinks that had tightened during the long hours in the car.
She froze with her hands over her head, a sudden, creepy feeling that she was being watched raising the hairs on the nape of her neck. Slowly she lowered her hands, the creepy feeling persisting.
Gazing around the area, she didn’t see anyone around, although the darkness of night, especially around the barn and stables was profound.
Definitely overtired, she decided, and with one last look around she went inside and headed upstairs to bed.
The moving van arrived just after ten the next morning. Matthew was in the midst of showing around a couple of new ranch hands he’d just hired. They were standing near the corral when the van pulled in.
“It takes a lot to keep an operation like this running smoothly,” Matthew said, trying to focus on the men before him instead of on Lilly, who had just appeared on the front step to meet the movers.
It would have been far easier to stay focused on the task at hand if Lilly hadn’t been wearing another pair of those damnable short shorts.
“I expect each of my workers to give 100 percent at all times,” he continued. In the bright yellow T-shirt, she looked like a ray of sunshine as she told the two men in the van where to put the items they’d begun unloading.
He focused back on the two men before him. “Any questions?”
“Yeah, is she your wife?” It was the younger of the two cowpokes that asked the question with a thumb pointed in Lilly’s direction.
“No, she isn’t my wife, but she’s a guest at the ranch, and one of the cardinal rules of working here is that there is no fraternization between the guests and the help. I expect you to be friendly and helpful to the guests, but nothing more.” Matthew looked at the two men. “Any other questions?”
“None from me,” Ned Sayville, the older of the two said.
Eddie Creighton, the younger of the two shrugged his shoulders. “Just tell us what to do from here.”
“There are a couple of stalls in the stables that need to be cleaned out and fresh hay laid down. Why don’t you start there, and when that’s done hunt me up and we’ll get you going on something else.”
He watched as the two headed for the stables. For the next couple of days they would be jacks of all trades until he could assess their strengths and see where they would best fit at the ranch.
Now the next problem he had to deal with was Lilly and Aunt Clara, and he wasn’t particularly in the mood to deal with either.
He’d had a miserable night, his sleep interrupted by intense nightmares the likes of which he hadn’t suffered for years. He knew Lilly’s presence was partially responsible for the recurrence of the old, familiar nightmares.
She had no way of knowing the enormous price he’d paid for those special, seemingly carefree days he’d spent with her so long ago. And if he had his way, she would never know.
But the night of reliving the worst of his past had left him with a cauldron of emotions deep inside and he knew that what he needed more than anything was a little distance and some time to get under control.
With this thought in mind, instead of heading for the moving van and Lilly, Matthew headed for the stables. Within minutes he’d saddled up his horse, Thunder, and took off, racing across the open pasture as if the hounds of hell were chasing him.
But it wasn’t the hounds of hell…it was memories of his father. Damn Adam Delaney! Damn him to hell for having no soul, for scarring his children with mental and physical abuse.
Matthew dug his heels into Thunder’s flanks. Thunder responded to his urgings and raced like the wind until Matthew reined her in, the fire in his belly dissipating to a more manageable level.
Seeing a fence post teetering precariously, he made a mental note to talk to his youngest brother, Luke about it. Luke took care of the fencing around the property, along with any carpentry work that needed to be done.
If they did sell the ranch, Luke would be all right. He was a skilled craftsman in woodworking and would never go hungry. Johnna, Matthew’s sister, would be okay, too. Married to the local Methodist minister, Johnna also had a thriving law practice. They would survive fine without the yoke of the family ranch around their necks.
It was his brother Mark that worried Matthew. Not only was Mark’s house built on the property, but his wife was expecting a new baby. Mark’s life had been working with the horses on the ranch. That’s all he’d ever done…all he’d ever wanted to do. If they sold the ranch, Mark would not only lose his livelihood but his house, as well.
Matthew didn’t know what he wanted to do. There were days when he thought that if he had to stay here one more day he’d go mad. And other days when he absolutely positively couldn’t imagine doing anything but what he was doing…managing the family dude ranch.
He rode for nearly an hour, the physical activity effectively banishing the anger provoked by the nightmares and haunting memories.
When he returned to the stables it was nearly noon and the moving van was gone. He unsaddled Thunder and brushed her down, then headed for the house.
He found Lilly and Clara in the living room surrounded by boxes, crates and the rest of the worldly possessions owned by Clara.
“Did everything arrive all right?” he asked.
Clara smiled. “Oh, yes. They did a fine job. I don’t believe a single thing got broken or scuffed.” Her smile faded and she gazed at Matthew with embarrassment. “I suppose Lilly told you that I’m an old fool and have managed to lose almost everything.”
Instantly Lilly put her arm around the old woman. “You are not an old fool. You were simply vulnerable, and unsavory, slick people took advantage of you.”
“What’s done is done,” Matthew said. “Now what we need to decide is where you’ll be the happiest here.”
Clara’s hazel eyes peered at him curiously. “What do you mean? I just assumed I’d stay in the room upstairs.”
“If you’d prefer, we could put you in one of the cottages. That way you could have all your personal things around you and your own space. It would be like having your own little home.”
It was a perfect setup. She could live rent-free in one of the cottages, and Matthew wouldn’t have to share his home with her. He could remain alone, which is just how he liked it.
Clara’s face lit up. “Oh, but that would be wonderful,” she exclaimed and clapped her chubby hands together. “And of course I could pay you rent. I do get a little social security money each month.”
“That isn’t necessary,” Matthew replied. “You’re family and family doesn’t pay rent.” The words stuck in his throat despite the fact that Clara beamed him another broad smile.
“I’d like to see the cottage before we move her in there,” Lilly said as she dropped her arm from Clara’s shoulder.
“Fine. I can show it to you now,” he said.
“While you two do that, I’ll just go finish up lunch and we’ll eat when you get back,” Clara said. Before Matthew or Lilly could say anything else, Clara bustled from the room.
“Shall we go?” Matthew asked.
Lilly nodded and together they left the house.
“The guest cottages are over there.” He pointed to a row of neat little bungalows in the near distance. “But I’m going to put her in one of the worker cottages around back.”
He cast Lilly a sideways glance. “Are you afraid that I intend to put her in a shanty?”
Her smile held a touch of guilt. “Not intentionally, but sometimes men aren’t picky enough when it comes to living spaces.” Her small smile fell aside. “I just want her to be happy and comfortable. I feel guilty that I didn’t know what was going on in her life, didn’t realize she was getting into such trouble.”
“What exactly did happen?” Matthew asked as they rounded the side of the main house.
The bungalows where several workers lived came into view. Although not as charming as the guest cottages, they were neatly painted and tidy.
“She met some man who talked her into investing everything she had in some bogus stock. He was obviously a con artist and she didn’t even question his motives. He talked her into mortgaging her house and maxing out her credit cards. When I found out what had happened, we made a police report, but of course the man had taken all her cash and disappeared. He has yet to be found.”
Matthew gestured her toward the third bungalow and they stepped up on the tiny front porch. “See? No shanty.”
She laughed, the sound deep-throated and intensely pleasant. “Sorry for being skeptical, but as I said before, my main goal is to see Aunt Clara happy and comfortable. Can we go inside?”
He nodded and she turned the doorknob, and they stepped into the cottage. It was obvious she was quite devoted to Clara. Matthew had never heard her talk about her own parents.
The story he’d heard from his father years ago was that Clara had adopted some damn fool teenage kid whose parents had gotten themselves killed in a car accident. Adam had not been just skeptical about his sister’s mental judgment, but contemptuous about the whole arrangement. He had not been able to understand why anyone would consciously make the choice to take in a teenager.
“It’s small, but quite charming,” Lilly said as her gaze swept around the small living room with its utilitarian kitchenette. The furnishings were plain—a sand-colored sofa and chair and a dinette table.
She opened a door to expose a small bathroom. The door next to it opened to the bedroom. The bedroom held a chest of drawers and a double bed. She went around the bed to the window, and Matthew followed her into the room.
“Not much of a view,” she murmured more to herself than to him.
“But the price is right.”
She twirled around to face him with one of her smiles that seemed to light up the room. “Yes, the price is definitely right, and I know she’ll be happy here.” She walked back to him and took his hand in hers. “Thank you, Matthew, for thinking about this. This is the best of both worlds. She’ll have her privacy, the dignity of living alone and yet will have you close enough should she need help. It was wonderfully thoughtful of you.”
It hadn’t been thoughtful at all. A wave of guilt swept through Matthew at her words. It had been strictly a selfish gesture. He’d thought of putting Clara here simply for his own comfort, so he wouldn’t have to put up with her day in and day out.
But he couldn’t admit that to Lilly, not with the warmth of her hand around his, not with the scent of her enveloping him sweetly. He couldn’t very well admit that he didn’t particularly like the woman she so obviously loved.
He pulled his hand from hers, uncomfortable at the touch, by her very nearness and by the engaging light in her blue eyes. “We’d better get inside for lunch.”
“When can we get her moved in here?” Lilly asked as they started back to the main house. “I’d like to see her all settled in before I leave here.”
“As far as I’m concerned we can move her things in tomorrow afternoon and get her settled in then. The only thing I noticed that needs to be done is that the whole place could use a new coat of paint inside. I can get a couple of men on that immediately.”
They reached the front of the house and he spied Eddie and Ned approaching. “As a matter of fact, I’ll take care of it right now,” he said, and gestured the men toward them.
“We were just looking for you, boss,” Eddie said. “We finished in the stables and wondered what you want us to do now.”
“Lilly, this is Eddie Creighton and Ned Sayville. They’re going to be working here at the ranch. I just hired them on this morning,” Matthew explained.
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you both,” she said, then pointed to a gold chain and charm that hung around Ned’s thick neck. “What a lovely necklace.” The charm was a thick gold cross with twisted vines wrapped around it.
Ned reached up and touched the charm. “Thank you, ma’am. My mama bought it for me years ago.”
Eddie frowned. “All my mama ever buys me is underwear two sizes too small.”
They laughed, then Matthew told them about moving Clara into bungalow three. He told them where the paint was stored and what needed to be done.
“And could we move out the chair that’s in there so Aunt Clara can put her rocking chair in its place?” Lilly asked.
Matthew nodded. “Move the chair into bungalow two.”
The two men took off. “They seem nice,” Lilly said.
“They’re all right,” Matthew replied as they entered the house. “Neither of them has much ranch experience, but both seemed eager to learn and promised to be hard workers.”
“What about Jacob? Did he show up this morning?”
“At dawn. I sent him out to the old barn that we’re getting ready to renovate. The plans are to turn it into sort of a community building. Mark has been working on getting it cleaned up.”
Abby raised one of her dark eyebrows. “Lots of hiring and renovating going on for something you aren’t sure is permanent,” she observed.
“Ah, there you are and just in time,” Clara greeted them as they walked into the kitchen. “I’ve just put it all on the table.”
“You didn’t have to do this,” Matthew protested as they took their places at the table. “You aren’t responsible for the meals around here.”
“But I wanted to,” Clara exclaimed. She leaned over and patted Matthew on the shoulder. “If I can’t do for my family, then what good am I?”
Matthew said nothing. If she’d wanted to do for her family, she should have done something years ago. She should have done something to save him and his brothers and sister from their father.
Anything she did for them now was too little, too late. And for that he could never forgive her.
Chapter 3
The afternoon stretched out before Lilly. Matthew disappeared immediately after lunch, telling them he had chores to attend to. Lilly thought about tagging along as she had when he’d done his chores on those long-ago summer days. However, something about his closed-off expression forbade her to follow him.
“I just knew things would be fine here,” Aunt Clara said as the two women cleared the lunch dishes from the table. “And it’s wonderful I’m going to have my own little place.”
“And it’s a nice little cottage,” Lilly assured her. “Small, but quite nice.”
“Small is fine, with it just being me.” She filled the sink with soapy water to wash the few dishes they had used. “When you come to visit, you can either sleep on my sofa in the cottage or stay here. And you will visit frequently, won’t you?”
Lilly smiled assuredly. “Of course. When I get back to work, I’ll have Christmas and spring vacations and all summer long to visit you.”
Aunt Clara nodded in satisfaction and plunged the glassware into the sink water. “Of course, what would really be nice is if you’d move here to Inferno. They have schools here, and I’m sure they would be thrilled to get a skilled and caring counselor like you.”
Lilly laughed. “One step at a time, Aunt Clara. At the moment my main concern is seeing you settled in.”
Aunt Clara frowned and handed Lilly a soapy glass to rinse and dry. “I can’t believe I let that young man talk me into mortgaging my home and giving him all my money. He seemed like such a nice young man, too.” She pulled her hands from the soapy water, grabbed a towel and sank down at the table.
“I guess the saying is true, there’s no fool like an old fool.” She closed her eyes and sat perfectly silent for a moment.
“Aunt Clara, are you all right?” Lilly dried her hands and knelt down next to the older woman, who suddenly appeared deathly pale.
“Fine, fine. I just got a little dizzy spell.” She looked at Lilly in bewilderment. “Now what were we talking about?”
“We were talking about the fact that I think we need to get you in for a checkup with a doctor,” Lilly said, worry fluttering through her.
“Nonsense,” Aunt Clara exclaimed and stood.
“I’m fit as a fiddle, I just sometimes move a little too fast or something.”
The two women returned to the sink, where they washed and dried the dishes and chattered about inconsequential things.
When they had finished putting the dishes away, Lilly asked if Clara would like to take a walk with her.
Clara declined, stating that perhaps she would take a little nap so she’d be rested for the family meeting that night. “It will be so nice to see everyone this evening. Did you know Mark has a nine-year-old stepson, and Luke is the stepfather to a precious little girl and boy. So many new family members, such joy. You are coming to the meeting?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Lilly said hesitantly. “I might pop my head in to say hello to everyone, but I don’t think it’s a good idea….”
“Nonsense,” Clara said. She reached up and placed her hands on Lilly’s cheeks. It was a gesture as familiar to Lilly as her own heartbeat. “Legally your last name might be Winstead, but in your heart, and in my heart, you’re a Delaney through and through. And you should be at that family meeting.”
Lilly smiled and pulled Clara’s hands from her cheeks. She planted a kiss in each hand, then closed Clara’s fingers as if to capture the kisses. “We’ll see and now I think I’ll take a little walk. Sure you won’t join me?”
“Not me, but enjoy the sunshine.”
Sunshine. There was plenty of that in Inferno, Arizona, Lilly thought as she stepped out the front door a few minutes later.
Although it was October, the sunshine was bright and warm and the temperature was in the eighties. Lilly had no specific destination or direction in mind, but she set off walking in the direction of the old barn Matthew had mentioned they were renovating.
Lilly and Matthew had spent lots of time in that barn years ago. Back then the barn had been in use, the loft filled with bales of hay, the lower level storage for machinery and grain.
The two teenagers would crawl up in the loft, make themselves comfortable among the hay, and talk. Well, actually, Lilly would do most of the talking.
Thinking back, it was funny to realize that she’d never shared with him the circumstances of his aunt “adopting” her, and he’d never spoken about his family. It was as if they’d both silently agreed that discussing parents or personal history was off-limits.
Instead they spoke of school and favorite subjects, they discussed and compared ranch life and city life. They shared dreams and talked about what they saw for themselves in the future. But always Lilly sensed turbulent emotions just beneath his surface, simmering passions that he kept tightly reined.
Brush tickled her ankles as she walked, and the heat on her shoulders was pleasant. Although much of the Delaney ranch was desert-like, there was a beauty in the landscape that surrounded her.
To the distant right of where she walked, she could see the green grass and tall trees she knew were nourished by a nearby creek. She and Matthew had waded in the creek numerous times. She could still remember how he’d looked with his jeans rolled up to expose his athletic calves and his shirtless chest so broad and tanned.
She shook her head to dispel the images from the past. Oh, that boy had stirred frightening, wonderful yearnings inside her teenage heart. And it unsettled her more than a little that the adult Matthew seemed to be stirring the same kinds of feelings in an adult Lilliana Winstead.
The old barn rose up in the distance. Weathered gray and minus the doors, the place certainly wasn’t the one from her memory. Just as Matthew wasn’t the young boy of my memories, she reminded herself.
As she walked closer, she saw Mark, Matthew’s brother, and Jacob Tilley carrying out a load of old lumber and dumping it into the bed of a pickup.
“Lilly.” Mark swept his hat off his head and approached her with a friendly smile. “Matthew told me this morning that you and Aunt Clara had come to visit.”
“Yes, I’m visiting, but Aunt Clara is planning on staying,” she replied. “And I understand congratulations are in order for you. Not only a new wife and stepson, but also a baby on the way. Congratulations, Mark.”
His likable features radiated with the brightness of his smile. “Yeah, pretty amazing. I didn’t think any of us would ever marry or have families, and suddenly we’re all the marrying sort.”
“Except Matthew,” she said.
His smile turned rueful. “Yeah, except Matthew. Matthew doesn’t date…he dictates.” Shadows fell into Mark’s eyes, as if thoughts of his older brother saddened him. “I think maybe Matthew feels safest alone.”
Lilly desperately wanted to ask more questions, to explore what Mark meant by his words, but at that moment Jacob joined them. He asked Mark about what to do with additional items in the barn.
“I hate to cut our reunion short, but we’ve got a load of lumber arriving first thing in the morning and need to get the rest of this work done,” Mark said.
“Please, don’t let me interrupt you,” Lilly exclaimed. “I was just doing a little walking to stretch my legs.”
“You’ll be at the family meeting tonight?”
Lilly shrugged. “Probably.”
“Nice seeing you again,” Jacob said as he and Mark headed back to the barn. Lilly watched until the two men had disappeared into the barn, then turned and headed toward the house.
Matthew feels safest alone.
An interesting statement, and she wondered exactly what Mark had meant by his words about his brother.
Before going back to the house, Lilly stopped in at cottage three to see how the painting was coming along. She found Ned and Eddie at work in the living room. They both offered her friendly smiles.
“We’ll have this place knocked out and looking just fine for your aunt by this evening,” Ned said, a friendly smile curving his thin lips upward.
“We already gave the bedroom a nice new coat,” Eddie added.
“I appreciate it,” she replied. “It all looks very nice. Do you two stay here on the ranch?” she asked.
“Not me,” Ned said. “I rent a small house in town. I like to separate my work life from my private life.”
“And I rent an old shed that’s been renovated into a little cabin at the Watson ranch down the road a piece,” Eddie explained.
Realizing she was keeping them away from their work, she murmured a goodbye then went back to the main house. Once there, she went into the kitchen, poured herself a glass of iced tea, then returned to the porch, where the chairs were in the shade.
Matthew feels safest alone.
Again Mark’s words played around and around in Lilly’s head. Oddly enough, she understood. Oh, she didn’t understand what emotional barriers might be in play inside Matthew. But she certainly understood the choice to live a life alone to keep oneself emotionally intact. Wasn’t that exactly what she had done?
Sure, she’d had relationships with men in the past, but when they got too close, when she feared becoming vulnerable, she walked away. She would never put herself in a position again where somebody important in her life would walk away from her.
Safer to be alone. Yes, she knew all about that. What she didn’t know was what had caused Matthew to make the same decision about himself.
From the master bedroom downstairs in the back of the house, Matthew heard his brothers and sister and in-laws arriving for the family meeting.
The sounds of their laughter, the easiness that had grown between them over the past couple of months emphasized an isolation Matthew hadn’t realized he felt until this moment.
He stared at his reflection in the dresser mirror, a deep frown creasing his forehead as the laughter and merriment seeped in through his closed bedroom door.
Of course they had found a new camaraderie, because they were all newlyweds, full of the bliss of family life. And that was fine for them, but it was certainly a club he didn’t intend to join.
For just a moment, as he looked at himself, he thought he saw his father’s visage glaring back at him. He shook his head and forced his lips into a smile, an expression his father had rarely worn. The ghost image disappeared, and with a grunt of satisfaction Matthew left the bedroom.
The family was gathered in the living room, having successfully maneuvered the obstacle course just inside the room of Aunt Clara’s boxes and belongings.
Luke and his wife, Abby, sat on the sofa; Johnna and her husband, Jerrod, were next to them. Mark and April sat on the love seat, and Lilly and Clara were in wing chairs.
Lilly looked as pretty as a picture against the wine-colored high-backed chair. She’d done something different to her hair. It didn’t hang loose but rather was twisted in some sort of bun at her nape, exposing the long, graceful curve of her neck.
She wore a pale-pink cotton dress, short enough to expose bare legs and white sandals that displayed toenails painted a feminine pink.
She smiled at him as he entered, and the smile held the heat of a warm, summer day. Tension filled him in response. He didn’t want to find her attractive, didn’t want to feel the magnetic pull of desire for her.
The group fell silent as Matthew walked to stand in front of the fireplace facing them all. “Where are the children?” he asked, referring to Mark and Johnna’s son, Brian, and Luke and Abby’s son, Jason, and daughter, Jessica.
“Brian took them outside to play,” Mark said.
“And doll babies they are, all three of them,” Clara beamed. “And another baby on the way.” She smiled at April, who grinned back and touched the palm of her hand to her stomach. “So much happiness in this family.”
Matthew frowned. “Let’s get started here,” he said. “I called this meeting because we have business to attend to.”
“Well, we know you didn’t call it because you just wanted to see and visit with us all,” Johnna said dryly.
“Johnna, don’t start,” Mark said softly.
“I’m not starting anything,” Johnna protested.
“Is there anything anyone would like to bring up before I discuss the reason I called the meeting?” Matthew ignored his sister, who always seemed to take great pleasure in needling him.
“I’d like to discuss something,” April said. She stood, a pretty blonde with green eyes, who had captured Mark’s heart when she’d come here seven months ago to work as a social director. “I’d like to plan a Halloween party.”
“But we don’t have any guests for Halloween. We’re still dark that night,” Matthew said. “Guests don’t start arriving again until November 2.”
“I don’t want the party to be for guests, but rather for the workers.” She offered him a tentative smile. “I’d like to do a real costume party, with candy for the kids and games and all kinds of fun. I think it would be really good for morale.”
“We aren’t here to boost morale. We’re here to run a dude ranch,” he replied, sounding stiff and unyielding to his own ears.
“Personally, I think it’s a wonderful idea,” Johnna exclaimed. “Honestly, Matthew, why don’t you loosen up a little. Things have been rough around here lately, and happy workers make productive workers.”
Several of the others voiced their agreement and enthusiasm for such a party. “Fine,” he finally capitulated. “If you all want to have a party, then have it. You deal with it, I’ve got plenty of other things to deal with around here.”
“So what did you want to discuss?” Mark asked.
“I got a call the other day from Dale Maxwell, president of Maxwell Redevelopment, a company based in Phoenix. He made us an offer to buy this place once the terms of the will are met and we take official ownership.”
Mark leaned forward. “I hope you told him to go to hell.”
“I told him I needed to discuss the offer with all of you.”
“I’ve heard of Maxwell Redevelopment, they’re into building time-share properties,” Luke said.
“The offer was a generous one,” Matthew said, and named the figure the company had thrown out to him.
“When we first learned the terms of Father’s will, I was one of the ones who yelled the loudest about having to spend time here, working once again for the family ranch,” Johnna said. “But, now, after spending the past seven months working here again, I’m not sure I’m willing to just sell out.”
“I agree,” Luke replied.
Matthew felt an invisible constricting band tightening up around his chest. He hadn’t realized until this moment that he’d half hoped they would all vote to sell the place. “But, if we sell, we can take the money and build new lives.” And they wouldn’t have to pretend anymore that they were a real, functioning family.
“Could I say something?” Clara asked with a tentative smile. “I know I have no right to be part of a vote or anything,” she began. “But I would hate to see you all sell this land. My parents settled here before you all and their parents before them. This isn’t just a ranch, it’s your roots, your heritage, and your father spent his blood and tears building it into something grand.”
She knew nothing about his father, Matthew thought irritably. It wasn’t Adam Delaney’s blood and tears that had built this place. It had been the blood and tears of his children, whom he’d used like slave labor.
“Personally, I don’t intend to sell,” Mark said when Clara had finished. He looked at Matthew. “When the time comes, if you want out of all this, one way or another I’ll buy you out.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Matthew replied, fighting the ever-present anger that thoughts of his father created. “That’s all I had to discuss this evening.” He walked over to the bar and poured himself a jigger of brandy, signaling the end of his participation. Within moments the others began to visit with each other.
“Got another one of those?” Lilly asked, coming to stand next to him.
“Certainly.” He poured her a shot of brandy and handed it to her, trying not to notice the sweetly feminine floral scent of her that reached out to surround him.
“Could I speak to you alone after everyone has left?” she asked, her gaze lingering on his face. “I have something I need to discuss with you.”
“All right,” he agreed, although he had no idea what she needed to talk about with him.
She nodded, sipped her brandy, then walked back to where Clara was seated and crouched down next to the old woman to talk.
Matthew watched her for a long moment, watching the animation of her features as she spoke to Clara. He’d intentionally made himself scarce that afternoon, feeling as if he needed some distance from her.
He’d worked in one of the pastures, fixing fencing and expending enormous energy in an effort to still all the emotions that rolled around inside him.
For some reason, since Lilly’s arrival, Matthew had been more on edge, more at odds than he could remember. Something about her appearance here had sparked a cataclysm of emotion that he had yet to be able to sort out.
He turned his attention to his family. Things were changing. Things had changed. The death of their father and the terms of the will he’d left behind had somehow transformed his siblings into different people than they had been.
Mark, who had always been the silent one, as if trying to be invisible, sat straight in his seat with a new sense of pride and self-identity.
Luke, who’d been precariously close to becoming an alcoholic, was facing life sober and with a new sense of responsibility, thanks to his wife and children.
And then there was Johnna, who Matthew had suspected had always been the strongest of them all. She’d managed to leave the ranch to go to college, then had returned to Inferno to build a law practice. It was only the terms of their father’s will that had brought her back to spending time on the ranch.
They had all survived their childhood hell and had become thriving, loving people. It amazed him sometimes, the indomitable will of the human spirit.
What angered him more than anything was the fact that their spirits had managed to survive just fine and he was afraid his had not.
He stood just outside the living room window, staring in at the scene inside. The night air that surrounded him was warm, but couldn’t compete with the heat inside him as he drank his fill of the sight of Lilly.
Beautiful. Stunning. She looked as good as she had when she’d been sixteen. Even better. And he knew that if the window was open, he’d be able to smell her—a scent that he’d retained in his memory for years.
His blood heated and surged through him, filling him with strength and purpose. She would be his. He knew it in his heart. He recognized it in his very soul.
This afternoon she had stood so close to him he could have reached out his hand and touched her. He knew just how her skin would feel. He’d dreamed about touching her a thousand times.
And, in the brief words they’d exchanged that afternoon, he’d seen the spark of something secret and knowing in her eyes.
She knew they belonged together. They didn’t have to exchange a word. It was a knowledge both of them retained in their souls.
His gaze narrowed as he watched Matthew Delaney pour Lilly a drink. Something in the way he looked at Lilly as he handed her the glass stirred a feeling of threat. For just a moment he thought he saw desire in Matthew’s eyes.
“You can’t have her,” he whispered, his gaze intent on the tall, handsome cowboy. “She’s mine.”
As he saw the gathering starting to break up, he scurried away from the window and into the night shadows. Fate had given him a second chance to claim Lilly as his own, and he wasn’t about to allow Matthew Delaney to stand in his way.
He got into his pickup and headed for his own place, knowing it would be too dangerous to hang around the ranch anymore that evening.
As he drove, he thought again of that look he’d seen in Matthew’s eyes as he’d gazed at Lilly. Matthew Delaney would never get an opportunity to follow through on any desire he might feel for Lilly. He would see to that. He would make sure Matthew was too busy with other things to have time for anything remotely resembling romance.
Chapter 4
Lilly had watched the interplay between the Delaney siblings with interest. Never having experienced the joy of sisters or brothers, she’d always had a romanticized version of what sibling relationships should be…and the Delaneys certainly did not fit her perception.
There had been an edge in the tone of voice they’d used with each other, but none as sharp as the edge in Matthew’s when he spoke to his brothers and sister.
But that wasn’t what she wanted to discuss with him. She knew that the sibling relationship between the Delaneys was none of her business. She simply thought it was sad that four people who should be bonded together through love, common experiences and blood ties didn’t seem to be a cohesive family unit at all.
She stood on the front porch, saying goodbye to everyone as they left. She watched as each couple got into their cars and felt a strange sort of longing.
They would all go home and perhaps make love, or spend the night-time hours lying in one another’s arms, rehashing the day’s events, offering each other support and love.
The twilight time of day was the time Lilly occasionally regretted her choice to live her life alone. Something about facing the end of the day alone was difficult.
As she leaned against one of the porch railings, the longing deepened. Did they realize how very lucky they were? Did they realize how brave it was to open yourself so entirely to another person and trust that they would never hurt you, never abandon you?
She sighed and looked up at the stars that were starting to appear in the sky. Her loneliness tonight felt deeper than usual.
“You wanted to talk to me?”
Lilly jumped in surprise at the sound of Matthew’s deep voice behind her. She turned to see him step out onto the porch to join her. “Yes, I did.”
He stood just outside the door, looking as handsome as she’d ever seen him in a pair of black dress slacks and a short-sleeved, crisp white cotton shirt that exposed powerful forearms. His thick, dark hair was neatly combed and he looked more like a business executive than a rancher.
“Why don’t you come into the kitchen,” he suggested. “I just made a short pot of coffee. We can talk in there over a cup.”
“All right,” she agreed. She followed him back into the house and into the kitchen. The light above the sink was the only illumination. He didn’t turn on the big overhead light, but rather went directly to the coffeemaker.
He poured a cup of the fresh brew, then turned to face her. “I’m afraid I don’t know how you take your coffee,” he said.
She flashed him a quick smile. “You wouldn’t know. I wasn’t much of a coffee drinker seventeen years ago. Black is fine.”
Once the coffee was poured, they sat side by side at the table and he looked at her expectantly. “Thank you for letting me sit in at the family meeting. It was quite interesting,” she began.
One of his dark eyebrows rose. “Interesting? Hardly the term I would use to describe our infrequent gatherings.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Now what was it you wanted to discuss with me?”
“I was wondering if you knew the name of a good doctor here in town? I’d like to get a complete checkup for Aunt Clara before I leave here.”
“Is she ill?”
“No, nothing like that,” she assured him. “She’s had a couple of dizzy spells and I’d just feel better if she got a complete physical.”
“Johnny Howerton is the local doc. I’ll dig up his number and give it to you in the morning.” He leaned back in his chair, looking more relaxed than he had all evening.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” She sipped her coffee and studied him above the rim of her cup. “Can I ask you a question?”
“If I tell you no will it make any difference?” He offered her a small smile and for just a moment she saw the ghost of the handsome young man she’d enjoyed on those summer days so long ago.
“Probably not,” she replied with a grin. She took another drink of her coffee, then wrapped her hands around the mug and looked at him. “Why do you want to sell your share of this place?”
He scowled and stared down into his own mug. “I told you before, I haven’t made any final decisions yet.”
“But why would you even think about it? It’s so beautiful here, and this place holds your roots, your past. Even when you were young, you talked about this place as if it lived and breathed inside of you, was an integral part of who you are.”
He was silent for a moment, then his frown deepened and he sat forward. “What difference does it make to you if I sell out or not?” he asked, a touch of impatience in his voice.
“Certainly it doesn’t make a difference to me, I was just curious, that’s all.” She hesitated a moment, then continued, “And I was curious about why you and your brothers and sister are all so angry with each other?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied curtly. “Nobody is angry with anyone.” His mouth said one thing, but his eyes said another. They were gray, stormy depths that radiated with a turbulence that belied his words.
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